I’m noticing a trend in my mental capacity, or my lack thereof. I know the past two years have been rough on all of us and it’s showing everywhere around me. Myself? I feel depressed again. I was doing pretty well before the pandemic started, but as it began and then just kept going I started feeling worse and worse again. I’ve been doing poorly at university ever since and went from getting good scores and passing all my courses to barely passing anything in the past year. The only thing that’s still going well for me is my writing, which I definitely take pride in.
But now covid is over, right? The war in Ukraine is all over the news and covid no longer really exists. Obviously that’s not true, but it does feel that way. This has got me thinking back to the years where Trump was the president of the United States and there would be a completely new controversy every single week. Soon we’d become numb to what was happening and him having a priest gassed just so he could take a photo op with an upside down bible was forgotten several days later for the next thing that happened. It feels like the same thing is happening with covid now.
I’ve been thinking about the way our society works a lot lately. This is not a healthy thing to do, as you can see in my mental health, but I’ve come to a few conclusions. The first one is that we don’t have the capacity to care about several large scale events at the same time. We can’t worry about global warming, covid and the war in Ukraine. We’re just not programmed to deal with that much sadness all at once. I’m the exact same way. I can’t care about all these things at once. I have my own problems. I’m still autistic (believe it or not) and I still suck at most things in life. Where do I find the energy to worry about a global pandemic, a war and the planet boiling to death?
So I’m giving up. I’ll still keep up with what’s going on in the world around me, but I’m giving up on being invested. There’s really not much I can do about these issues either way, so I might as well not spend energy worrying. But that doesn’t mean these issues aren’t still very much there, affecting our daily lives and much more so affecting the daily lives of the people involved.
Immigration is ramping up here, inflation is about to go soaring and at some point buying a house went from a goal to a dream.
I feel like I’m ranting without really giving any valuable input. I do that a lot and I hope you’ll indulge me while I do so, but I’m still here trying to figure out how to cope with all of this. There is such a thing as too many global issues happening at once. And I’m aware I’m saying this from my dad’s house in western europe where things are relatively okay compared to many other places in the world. But I can’t stay invested in those places in the world. It’s not my responsibility to solve the problems of the world, there’s nothing I can do. But it still sucks.
I don’t really have any talents that could help these people. I can write stories and hopefully brighten one person’s day that’s somewhere out there, but even that is me being very optimistic. And the feeling of uselessness is something I carry with me a lot, especially when I see these news articles about awful things happening in the world. It just sucks that as a race we end up having the most greedy, selfish people in charge. I wish we’d have more compassionate people in high positions in the world, maybe they’d make a difference.
I don’t know, I hope things change for the better at some point during my life but until then I’m moving my gaze inwards and try to find happiness for myself first. If I ever attain that I’ll go back to caring about other people’s problems but until then I’ll be selfish. Let me know what your thoughts are on these things. I know it’s a lot to think about and there’s a very good chance that you reading this right now have very different ideas about it, but I’m just one guy. Thanks for reading.